perasaan benci yang palsu?

ohh dunia.ketika aku sedang terbosan2 melayari minda dengan kekusutan dunia,tiba2 tangan aku terklik pada link ym bijan yang bertulis "oh yuna", apekah ini?(berkata..kata hati ku(paham tak?)).er anyway, aku pun menekan dan kluar pula satu link,yakni lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh seorang rock chick yang sedap dan relaxing.aku pun cuba mendengar lagunya akibat tengah down ni .okay jugak melayari sanubari jiwa dengan lagu2 masyuk atopun dengan kata lain, lagu2 down.sedang mendengar lagu2 nya, hati ku bergoncah dengan gundah gulana terfikir apakah maksud lirik yang cuba dibawa oleh yuna yakni, benci yang palsu.agak influencing dan insightful serta membuatkan hati kecil ku terfikir, apakah rintihan hujanku yang membawa ku pergi jauh ke sana sini memikirkan masalah2 yang membencikan walhal tuhan yang meneraju pemikiran intelek ku agar berjogging jauh ke sana sini untuk mengadaptasikan minda?.ape aku merepek ni.anyway.aku baru saja mendapat tahu keputusan akademik yang tidak berapa boleh dibanggakan.walhal.kesedihan yang super mengakibatkan jiwaku hampir rebah di awangan palsu dunia.apakah ini.perasaan benci lalu menggunung tinggi.benci terhadap diri ini yang terlalu hampeh dengan keputusan sebegitu.oh ya tuhan.ampunkan daku kerna mewujudkan realiti pemikiran yang boleh mencacatkan rohaniku.zzz.anyway.setelah bermuhasabah diri beberapa kali, kutahu, benci bukanlah apa yang bersemadi di naluri hati yang dipimpin persoalan ini, tetapi sebenarnya cinta.terlalu cinta terhadap tuhan kerana ingin pergi lebih jauh, lebih jauh dari burung-burung yang melepasi lautan api jiwa yang membakar intuisi diri. malahan, lebih jauh lagi.aku ingin kecapi keunggulan dunia disamping memiliki lumrah akhirat. aku bukanlah benci kepada diriku kerna, itu adalah perasaan benci yang palsu. sekian.oh yea. enjoy the song :D

p/s:maaflah entry ini sangat emosi dan menggunakan ayat yang ekstrim dikala hati sedang berduka memikirkan masalah yang datang tubi demi tubi.thank you.

Seeking my true intention

Last week, i attended an usrah and we discussed about a subject that just knock my head with a big hammer of doom which pops into my mind how intentions, or nawaitu has a big meaning in me.

Just speak about intentions. it sounds too general, plain, untouchable, soft, typical. but try to search deeper. what's life has anything to do with our nawaitu? The quest of knowledge starts from a single step that marks the note of intention. The strange-wilderness of this place that i am rushing through is like neverending.oh university life.boredom starts to rise from time to up is an option.and looking back was the best thing to do.but then, a reflection of my mentor knocks the door of my beneath as i startled about one thing that he told me, The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “The reward of deeds depend upon the intentions, and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.” - 'Umar bin Al-Khattab, Vol. 8, Book 78, Number 680. it was all a big mistake! i was there and the winning prize was there all along! its just that my heart was sealed with a big poison of lust with the speech of the devil. i never realized that my intention was torn apart between my dreams all along. this is not the path that i want. its not my intention to be here to enjoy. its not my intention to be here to sit down and sleep all the way downtown. i am here to justify the truth. i am here to be a seeker of knowledge.

To defeat your enemy, is to know your enemy. imagine the obstacles itself. tight lectures,difficult tests,time constraints,friends,families,homesick.ugh.i would puke everything out if wanted any perspective that i have observed in the magnificent timeline of the next 4 years, i just wanted to see a light. a direction of God. I set my nawaitu straight. seriously. I put my past behind my back as i carve my path to seek knowledge. I want barakah from Him. I want my effort to be rewarded with something that anyone couldnt have imagined. But then, my self-inside asked me a brilliant question. You sure that you deserve it?

The darker side of my heart's breathing

There were moments in my life where i tend to allow the presence of my indigenous ideas. its good or bad, both has its own presence, due to my nature as a human being to have evil thougts, whispered by the devil or the qarin, and there i was, unsubdued, unnoticed. the evidence is compelling.

Yes, i absolutely try my best to be a better man but the fact wouldnt change that we cannot run from doing evil deeds and bad sins. i pledge myself guilty. yes i am. but there i was. doing it all over again, and again, and again. i never felt bored of it. no way. its just great. its just temptation, the nature of any of us. and there comes my rescuer. the so called, 'faith'.

faith is my only way to ressurect my light of hope. its my self-absorbing, suffocating, suffering way to evade lust, to overboard temptation. it works alot. just that i need to put a little faith in my mind. no wait, alot. that's also alot. alot of faith. its not about what we believe. its about what we believe in what we believe. i believe in the power of religion. i believe in the power of effort. i believe in the power of education. to educated my mind, to struggle away from darkness that lies beneath me.

now is the only time to overcome temptation and lust. you can never say never to things that you can do today. procrastination is like parasites. it slowly stabs you on your back and you never saw it coming. train me, order me, force me, to do those things that faith has asked. nobody said that there will ever be my next tomorrow. perhaps today is my last tomorrow. so, i shall weep my sorrow and act on those things that i need. not that i want to. just that i need to. paradise of the future lies within my effort of today. so don't wait till tomorrow dear!

salam lebaran

I just wanna wish happy eid mubarak and salam lebaran to all of you guys out there.and a very much maaf zahir dan batin.especially my family(kangen sama rendang mama), teachers, friends and muslims of this very earth. i would like to point out that my eid celeb is very unusual(which is very typical for all my fellows here in canada).there's no rendang for first day of raya(asik rendang je kan).and then there's class(skipped lectures,only went for a tutorial).hm what else? i really cant say much here.just that i need to get used of this situation every year duh.oh yeah.nuf's some pics.let these pictures speak my own thousand words.

before heading for eid prayers
(was feelin damm guilty for skipping classes)

busuk's idea.not mine

rogers centre.after eid prayer.

im in a casual dress right after changing
my clothes for class.rushin' eh.

took the liberty to publish the photo of my seniors.
bes ah gambar nie.