The Good: I feel that I am a very very very much better person this year than any other year in terms of rajin-malas ratio, studython, knowledge retreat (present and hereafter), and of course, the state of my heart. Yet, i'm not saying life is perfect and i'm not saying i have perfected my soul
The Bad: It is truly hard to accept the fact I effortly tried so hard to ace my courses but the paved path is no way else but only to the doom of typical, 60-70s, average marks.
The Ugly: It is even harder to accept the fact when some kid that has the lazyness of a sloth but yet they aced each every single paper that had ever existed in this very earth. and of course life is fair. and maybe slacker was born genius. and who knows!
My theory of success in study was derived through this equation;
hardeffort+smarteffort+doa+tawakal = handfulofknowledge+barakah+Aces!
And yet I lived by a principle called 'Ikhlas' which means, if you are ikhlas, nothing, i mean nothing can or could be on your way. Is failure an option? well it should not be a main goal but it could be a result of an effort as it is yourself to be blamed on but if ikhlas has rationalized all those mistakes or failures, then I would have accepted failure by the means of ikhlas. For example, ikhlas in study; therefore, as long as I study hard and smart, gain knowledge, then there's no worry about acing a paper or failing it because I have achieved the core component of my journey of knowledge, the knowledge itself.
Well that does not make any sense. Really. Life has to be real. Religion taught me to be real. And I gotta be realistic.
Then, i think. i thought. i look and see. i figured. 'Ikhlas' should be productive. or 'Productive Ikhlas'. It does not make sense if I get a result, be satisfied and that is it. No that is not it. And its not that i'm not being grateful. 'Redha' is a whole different thing. Yes life is satisfaction and grateful is a companion. But you don't stop there. Ikhlas has to be productive. If you are doing something on your own will, then it should produce something or much better if it can create something. Extrinsic or intrinsic. Both have to match up at least.
I don't wanna be the extras of the earth. really. I don't. I wanna be something. someone. That provides something significant for this world. And yet I'm not sure what is that. But then again, life is a journey. I might as well live to the best of it and find what's the best of it.