We both know that you and I can never give enough thanks or repay even close to a drop of water in the ocean to all the mercy of Allah. I cannot even express enough to what His mercy have done upon our past, present and future. But if only I could give this feeling of thankfulness and love and fear out of love and hope for betterment of Allah, to you, so that you will also want to love Him more as much as you and I can. And So that you and I would yearn for His love and mercy.
Why do you and I only seek Allah wholeheartedly when things go wrong? When what we planned didn't go the way we want? When we only strive for goodness only for ourselves while He did everything for us and not for Himself? Why can't we just give in and let go of the things that take us away from getting near Him? Why can't we start with Him?
I want to regret. Regret for all those little seconds that I did not spend upon the path of my Lord.
I want to punish. Punish myself for all those energy wasted not to fight for the love of Him, a battle so much worth fighting for.
I want to go back. Go back in time to make up for all the lost that I've done for throwing away what He gave me out of His mercy.
But I know, despite for all the regrets, punishments, and corrections. Allah will still forgive us for He is Al-Ghaffur (the most forgiving)
So I'm standing here without any purpose but to ask Allah to forgive you and I for the good things and for the bad things if you and I didn't give thanks enough through our words and actions. And to let other friends of us taste the sweetness of His mercy because I have no idea why would you and I want to disobey Him if only you and I knew the magnitude of His love and mercy and for all the things that He did, do or will do to you and I.
I'm not here to act pious, but I want you and I to at least be an inch closer to Him so that you and I can taste the sweetness of Iman which I can never make you understand nor comprehend unless you experience.
I'm not here to make you feel bad or threaten but I dont want you and I to lose this treasure, this power of Iman which can get us through thick and thins, rise and fall anything the world has to offer,
If only you and I knew the degree of Allah's love to us.
So, can we start over our intentions for Him, with Him?
"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Hadith)
When I was in my university life, failure was too regular. I could go as far as to say its a semesterly routine. I didnt literally fail any subjects, but I was ranked within the last quarter of my class. Yes, I did my study. Yes, I learned how others did it. But semester after semester, I have became too 'accustomed' in trying and it came to a point where I couldn't connect the dots; I had lost hope. But then I realized.
There was a good lesson in failing. This applies to most pursuit: career, academics, love, hope and fear. The thing is, maybe I worry too much that I might not get what I want (nevertheless it may not be what I need). Thus, I learned this virtue that maybe I have to care less. Care less about failing. Why do I have to be too occupied on the notion of failing such that I have forgotten the feeling of success. And to care less is to stop doubting the pursuit of success.
On another note, when you tried so hard to succeed and you didn't get what you want, unexpected circumstances would be hurtful isn't it? Because you declared a hope and the answer gave no hope. But it all comes down to who's your dependency, who did you rely your hope on, what drives you?
Failure may give you countless repetition of feeling down and it yearns for you to just give up. But what makes the difference is how many times you get up and give it another shot.
Its the same thing with repentance to Allah. Nobody is going to escape without committing a sin. Nobody is going to be the all-perfect, all rounded maksum. But hey, what counts is how many times we look up to God and say, "Oh Allah, would you forgive me again this time?". And when you submit, submit fully. Like any other worldly failure, you will have that feeling "I don't want to but I'm afraid I might fail again in the future". After all, we're insan. But you try. And you try hard. Because success comes by finding the meaning of failure. And that is why we reflect (muhasabah).
Failure is part of the process of becoming. You will be having a bad day but its not a bad life. And hey I'm not saying that we expect failure to come and we dont aim for that but if it does comes knocking on our door, have the right maturity to step up and handle this visitor. Because we know for sure these things come for a visit only for a short while.
And if you fail, know that Allah is greater (Allahuakbar). And whatever your obstacles that you may perceived as too much to handle, Allah is greater. And when you have Allah, you have everything, right?
One day, when we are able to connect the dots, we'll know that wasn't failure. That was just what we needed.