you know that pertinently, i choose not to let my guard down. and yet life without things to aim seems horrific in a certain perspective. as in, holidays. imagine two weeks of holiday. that's fine. how about 4 months. yeap, i said 4 months. i can bear 4 months of school because i was actually assigned to do works. professors and peeps around me keep throwing rocks at me asking me not to stop working. well, not literally. u of t never forced me to do works. they just simply ask nicely. "if you are thinkin' of gettin' good marks, then ya better do works. but that is 'if' u want. we're not forcing or anything". This statement annoys me alot. not that because the peeps are really annoying by spilling words onto us, but because of my mind that starts to build a list of tasks that i have and need to do just to get a good marks. well yea of course i worked alot. but i guess its not alot enough to 'build-up' a good marks. future yet reminds me how insecure is the freedom of my mind to choose 'things' wisely. i hate to consider the fact that my stomach is not resistive enough to immune itself when i ate alot of joy, and fun. i got carried away. alot. its like momentum you see. once you're good at studying. don't stop yet. cuz if you stop once, man its hard to get back up again.
have you ever felt empty? not that as in the emptyness of soul. duh. as in empty of which you have no goals. at least not yet. like having finished exams. man it sure fun if exams are finished. but at the end of the day, as every exams are at the back of our shoulders, we'll start glancing. and thinking. "ok what's next?". its like the dullness of your side has awaken or something. i dont know. maybe its because of getting away with your fellow mateys. or enhancing yourself towards total freedom which extends to the limit of not having to realize the fact that you do not have anything to do.
i have an idea. you know what. let's finish strong. but to do that, pick a good starter point. like doing things that benefit the issues of your lives. like a anti-timewaster or something. you know, its really hard not to waste time, especially if you are a 'belia'.that's right. i said it. 'belia' is a cool term to refer to teenagers today. haha. or maybe late teenagers. or whatever you call it. i prefer to nudge myself ahead with plans. you know, things to do. like doing a mental roadmap on great things. like a checkbox tasks. do laundry, or do eating(love this one). or something. i dont really have a specific point. we can figure it out later. but for now, let's just glance ahead. forge some fine mindmaking skill. and maybe we can look back sometimes. who knows we'll find something great to use up ahead.
p/s: i'm actually 'sick'. yeap. i think its a 'flu'. whatever. i prefer to call it 'lazy' flu. sigh. let the pressure begins!
Posted by Asyraf at Friday, May 08, 2009