Here i am, thinking and drifting my thoughts on a cloudy night thinking upon the coming days and the year that my undergrad days shall be over. Currently, i can't get my head over the fact that after graduation, if I'd ever decided to indulge myself in the world of working class men (but of an engineer instead of laborer, if that's how human civilization puts it as an icing of separation on which level should one levels of work has to be bestowed upon), this would have to be the start of 'kitaran robot'. Every single day, 9am to 6pm, plus another 1 hour of driving back and forth, I would crunch my body and motivate my mind (motivate is a generic term of a word that has an inclination towards a positive significance of life, but this, i don't know) to go to this place called work. Yes, work. Then, night comes when you have no energy left to do anything else rather than eat your dinner and watch some shows on tv which could be so life-threatening for those muscles that were active back in the gym days. And to make it worse, the cycle would last for 5 days a week, as I would seek to find friday as if it is hari raya eve where happiness blooms within my mind without any utter reasons - its not like i'm going to do anything super on the weekends after all and it only lasts for 2 freaking days. Weekends are for celebrating the escapade of those 5 days of making yourself, shaping your mind and creating a physical body of a robot. Some may blame this as the nature of our civilization in today's world where people shove their asses to make some cash while the upper class collects money from the people of the bottom as if workers were slaves and CEOs were the kings and queens. As a matter of fact, that is the form of monarchy of today's corporate world maybe and people wouldn't see it that way as monarchy is so 1800s. or 1700s. or whatever. So, I was asking myself these few days back when I thought too deep (as always) on the notion of having to work. Its not that I despise the people of these 'kings and queens' of the corporate worlds, nor do I have some sort of hatred towards the feeling of having to work 9am to 6pm a day because i do believe in the essence of self-efficacy and that is: if one work hard on a matter, one should attain the goals of a matter. And in this context, you work, you get salary. In fact, this is how the economy works as a system - individuals work hard to benefit not just on individual levels but also on the communal level. So then people would say, "hey its for the greater good".
I honestly don't have anything against the notion of kitaran robot (or corporations or whatever I wrote above). Its just that, imagining myself within the situation is enough to make me vomit on it. The depiction of it is so boring and somehow, I felt that it is insignificant in my quest of changing the world. Or maybe I am too fickle because there's this time once I had the idea that if someone wanted to go up, they should start from the very bottom and persevere throughout the so called 'quest'. And to start from the bottom is to do this 'kitaran robot'. So this idea is not so bad after all. I think most of the negative connotations that my mind had towards the kitaran robot is simply because of what I had seen a junior civil engineer can only do so much: paperwork, site visit, paperwork, site visit, paperwork (and meetings). I sounded like a total jerk do I. Or rather an ungrateful total jerk. So, with these things on my mind, I am torn apart (again) with the idea if this is ever a good first step towards building a legacy or kitaran robot simply sucks (and it is also inevitable) and its better to think of something greater than this. Or, am I just freaking out of the fact that my undergrad days are numbered? Maybe.
p/s: A wise friend once said that it is better (or easier, I guess) to do many small changes rather than one big change.