how to not to be not better

i have fallen into my own pool of mistakes. have you ever thought of being not good enough? not good enough for your life? not good enough for your peers? not good enough to the essence or notion of life around you? ever felt that life was cruel and fate was disobedient by the fact that you absolutely confident that you just did your best and you just did not get what you want? ever felt that you wanted to do better, although toughness keeps calling for future needs and you just can't go on? ever felt that you wanted to give up? ever felt that the life is so pathetic that you want to turn back around? well, heads up. pick your spot. spray the load. lay em off. spread the words. behave your mind. think your thoughts. the answer is simply jihad.(sounds like some tv ads plak.haha)

lets get the fact straight. with all of the posts that i have published. dear strangers, i just wanna say that, i am no religious person. i am no pious man. i am no president of the msa or whatever. i am simply a guy who spread the words that i know is right. but knowing is such different than that of the act of practising. there's a theodicy talk in my campus a while ago. its not the word of God or Evil that captured my attention. it was simply a question from an anonymous about , "is Jihad evil?". the speaker gave a very clear view on why the real jihad is, not whatsoever, evil. i was amazed, that as a matter of fact, i am a selfish, forgetful, and an ignorant person. people hear the word Jihad everyday. my fellow muslim peers know the very exact definition of Jihad. But the reality is, we, oh wait, I failed to use this very greatful tool to not to be not better, in life.

but still, confusion strucks my thought a while ago. the requirement to use this very tool is totally difficult. i mean, it starts for your ethics. from your daily practise. from the way you think or the way you act. and if that is logic and do-able, would we make that as our everyday norms? probably istiqamah is the hardest part, at least that what i think. when i say jihad, i am not talking about doing full time ibadah such as 'solat sunat', etc.; all the time. dont get me wrong. what do i mean is that; performing your everyday usual norms, in a far more, optimistically better way. when you soccer, shoot the ball as hard as you can. when you study, read more. when you jump, bounce it hard. when you walk, pace further away. there is more to life than just looking back. so, keep getting better okay? ;)

"what's wrong with falling down, you can always stand up again"

why i am a failure at first attempt.

the typical me.

stumble.

fall.

down.

gave up.

crushed.

tempted.

unprioritized.

uncautious.

irrelevant.

vengeful.

ignorant.

fool.

there is a time when it comes to the state of where one does know that one possesses these 'enormous' characteristics, but failed to realize what its all about. when consequences took place, then one would felt for the need of repentance and waking up. then, one shall arise, picking up the pieces that one had been crushed upon. then one would carry the burden till the end of the road.where victory awaits. its just norms.

without further a due, let the vows begin. let the contemplation of one's mind speak. let the one speak upon itself and resist the tempted surroundings of the place, or time. 

let me own the semester.

oh, why did i ever thought randomly

there is a walking distance between us. featured by the tendency to feel that love. our memory is the strongest bond that had ever taken shape. but fate has chosen my memory to be forsaken of anything. the memory of your remembrance. 

i feel your pain. i feel your heart, beat seconds after seconds. plush my heart to the bottom of the ground. and imagine the sanctity of our bonds. if we have the power to break it apart, then i shall forfeit. if all memories of the humanity have been wiped out, then i shall saviour ours. not because i wanted to. its just that u deserve to be in my mind. 

touch my hand. ill take you to the deepest view of my mind. and we'll stroll ourselves all the way down. but have memories lost itself? does your eyes lies underneath mine? does my cruelty bonds with your purity? im just thinking sanely. but its just making me insane.will you ever happen to me again?

something that i wrote randomly. too much movies! urgh.

anyway, back to reality. school's up and welcome to the very new era of studying, staying-up-late-ing, burning eyes with words and numbers that doesn't even make sense, and of course, istiqamah. okay2 maybe it doesnt look very new. its typical.so why do typical stuff in a very typical behaviour which is typically do-able? well the thing is, its not that typical. i mean,  the asyraf today is not the same as the asyraf tomorrow. well, i may look the same which is chubby(ok not that chubby), long haired, wearing glasses, bla2.but what resembles inside that makes the difference. ill be studying like any other semester but i would want to get better doing it. ill be istiqamah like any typical semester, but i would really2 want to get better on it. it seems that a term-long period is not that long. then summer shall arise and i'll be hanging off my coat again. but till then, lets just keep my head straight ok? and try to do things more, randomly. hehe..