I ran 14 laps yesterday, the usual number. Approaching the last lap, I decided to push for another 2 laps. After those 2 laps, I decided to push for another 2 laps. Again and again until I reached 21 laps. I sat and I thought of it. The cliché was to keep running until you can see what's there for you over the horizon. The thing about hardship is to push for that extra laps and just imagine of the opportunities that you will find upon reaching the end line, or I would rather say the fictitious end line, because it was never there in the first place, its just something that we hope to get us going. The thing is, how far can you go and how bad do you want it. I want many things but I need validity why am I doing it. God it feels great to actually put effort on something and to get something out of it. But it feels better to actually love what you're doing
Right now, I have no idea what I want to do. But I clearly have this degree thing and I still want to see how far can I go with this thing called engineering. Weird thing is I have no clue if I'll love doing what I'll be doing.
Ever heard of the infamous Stanford's marshmallow experiment? A child was shown a marshmallow and was allowed to eat it. The second option was to wait for some time and be rewarded for another marshmallow. It was a longitudinal study and results indicated that children that wait long enough to get the second marshmallow actually succeed on their adults life in terms of academic achievements.
I think the key is to not be jailed with the current state of emotion. Emotion drives people to do weird things, irrational things. And then there's patience. Well I think I'm gonna wait long enough to see if I can get the second marshmallow. I'm not gonna stop now but I'll wait long enough to decide if this is gonna be worth it. And if not, I guess I'll have to make a leap of faith. May Allah help me to find barakah and passion in what I want to do or discover!
p/s: I don't know why but I just had this mindset that passion and career is like love at first sight. Or maybe not.
Desire
Maybe the nafs is not designed for this world and all that is in it. Maybe it was designed for something greater. Maybe that's why the wealthiest person in this world never felt satisfied with whatever the world has to offer. Maybe Allah has created the nafs for the afterlife after all.
Wallahualam
ABL: Always Be Learning
I think I can somehow make a temporal conclusion on this one thing that had repetitively came across in my life. Heedlessness: it kills my soul. This happens in a very much cyclical process every year - if I have no clear goals, I will succumb to the pleasure of comfort zone in which I will turn into a species called 'lewa'. I believe, this lewa thing has a very concrete connection with heedlessness. I will not care about whatever was my ultimate goal in life, I will not give a damn about what's gonna happen, I will put everything at the very last minute and I will have the laziness of a sloth or probably worst.
Usually, it happens when I did not prepare for my forthcoming situations of being in a state of no pressure, which is obviously post-exam situation. I have no assignments, no exams, no study or in a better frame of mind, I have no pressure. Your momentum is like dominos, if you routinely push yourself to work hard to achieve result, you will have no problem to work hard on anything whether its brainpushing assignments or crazyshit workouts - until that very last piece of domino topples over. And so, my undergrad life ends in 2 weeks and by that time, the last piece of domino will topple over. Thus, my mission is prepare for the ever continuation of that last domino piece: to do a five year plan in order to gain momentum to keep on going if I ever wanted to be that 1% of the world population that can make at least a slight change for the betterment of the future.
Key things to figure out after exams:
1. Create subgoals that leads to the ultimate goal
2. Create strategies that can help in achieving the subgoals, in which the ultimate goal can be achieved
3. Find weaknesses that can be a drawback for self-improvements
4. Identify strengths that can be utilized to its full capacity
Life is a process of Always Be Learning. A lot of people celebrate the end of undergrads because they don't have to do all those allnighters or exam crammings - and of course I do feel the same way. Its such a pain in the ass. But this pain in the ass is gonna be worth it. wehoo
Usually, it happens when I did not prepare for my forthcoming situations of being in a state of no pressure, which is obviously post-exam situation. I have no assignments, no exams, no study or in a better frame of mind, I have no pressure. Your momentum is like dominos, if you routinely push yourself to work hard to achieve result, you will have no problem to work hard on anything whether its brainpushing assignments or crazyshit workouts - until that very last piece of domino topples over. And so, my undergrad life ends in 2 weeks and by that time, the last piece of domino will topple over. Thus, my mission is prepare for the ever continuation of that last domino piece: to do a five year plan in order to gain momentum to keep on going if I ever wanted to be that 1% of the world population that can make at least a slight change for the betterment of the future.
Key things to figure out after exams:
1. Create subgoals that leads to the ultimate goal
2. Create strategies that can help in achieving the subgoals, in which the ultimate goal can be achieved
3. Find weaknesses that can be a drawback for self-improvements
4. Identify strengths that can be utilized to its full capacity
Life is a process of Always Be Learning. A lot of people celebrate the end of undergrads because they don't have to do all those allnighters or exam crammings - and of course I do feel the same way. Its such a pain in the ass. But this pain in the ass is gonna be worth it. wehoo
kitaran robot
Here i am, thinking and drifting my thoughts on a cloudy night thinking upon the coming days and the year that my undergrad days shall be over. Currently, i can't get my head over the fact that after graduation, if I'd ever decided to indulge myself in the world of working class men (but of an engineer instead of laborer, if that's how human civilization puts it as an icing of separation on which level should one levels of work has to be bestowed upon), this would have to be the start of 'kitaran robot'. Every single day, 9am to 6pm, plus another 1 hour of driving back and forth, I would crunch my body and motivate my mind (motivate is a generic term of a word that has an inclination towards a positive significance of life, but this, i don't know) to go to this place called work. Yes, work. Then, night comes when you have no energy left to do anything else rather than eat your dinner and watch some shows on tv which could be so life-threatening for those muscles that were active back in the gym days. And to make it worse, the cycle would last for 5 days a week, as I would seek to find friday as if it is hari raya eve where happiness blooms within my mind without any utter reasons - its not like i'm going to do anything super on the weekends after all and it only lasts for 2 freaking days. Weekends are for celebrating the escapade of those 5 days of making yourself, shaping your mind and creating a physical body of a robot. Some may blame this as the nature of our civilization in today's world where people shove their asses to make some cash while the upper class collects money from the people of the bottom as if workers were slaves and CEOs were the kings and queens. As a matter of fact, that is the form of monarchy of today's corporate world maybe and people wouldn't see it that way as monarchy is so 1800s. or 1700s. or whatever. So, I was asking myself these few days back when I thought too deep (as always) on the notion of having to work. Its not that I despise the people of these 'kings and queens' of the corporate worlds, nor do I have some sort of hatred towards the feeling of having to work 9am to 6pm a day because i do believe in the essence of self-efficacy and that is: if one work hard on a matter, one should attain the goals of a matter. And in this context, you work, you get salary. In fact, this is how the economy works as a system - individuals work hard to benefit not just on individual levels but also on the communal level. So then people would say, "hey its for the greater good".
I honestly don't have anything against the notion of kitaran robot (or corporations or whatever I wrote above). Its just that, imagining myself within the situation is enough to make me vomit on it. The depiction of it is so boring and somehow, I felt that it is insignificant in my quest of changing the world. Or maybe I am too fickle because there's this time once I had the idea that if someone wanted to go up, they should start from the very bottom and persevere throughout the so called 'quest'. And to start from the bottom is to do this 'kitaran robot'. So this idea is not so bad after all. I think most of the negative connotations that my mind had towards the kitaran robot is simply because of what I had seen a junior civil engineer can only do so much: paperwork, site visit, paperwork, site visit, paperwork (and meetings). I sounded like a total jerk do I. Or rather an ungrateful total jerk. So, with these things on my mind, I am torn apart (again) with the idea if this is ever a good first step towards building a legacy or kitaran robot simply sucks (and it is also inevitable) and its better to think of something greater than this. Or, am I just freaking out of the fact that my undergrad days are numbered? Maybe.
p/s: A wise friend once said that it is better (or easier, I guess) to do many small changes rather than one big change.
I honestly don't have anything against the notion of kitaran robot (or corporations or whatever I wrote above). Its just that, imagining myself within the situation is enough to make me vomit on it. The depiction of it is so boring and somehow, I felt that it is insignificant in my quest of changing the world. Or maybe I am too fickle because there's this time once I had the idea that if someone wanted to go up, they should start from the very bottom and persevere throughout the so called 'quest'. And to start from the bottom is to do this 'kitaran robot'. So this idea is not so bad after all. I think most of the negative connotations that my mind had towards the kitaran robot is simply because of what I had seen a junior civil engineer can only do so much: paperwork, site visit, paperwork, site visit, paperwork (and meetings). I sounded like a total jerk do I. Or rather an ungrateful total jerk. So, with these things on my mind, I am torn apart (again) with the idea if this is ever a good first step towards building a legacy or kitaran robot simply sucks (and it is also inevitable) and its better to think of something greater than this. Or, am I just freaking out of the fact that my undergrad days are numbered? Maybe.
p/s: A wise friend once said that it is better (or easier, I guess) to do many small changes rather than one big change.
Reality Check
First up, sorry for the 7-months hiatus. I wasn't exactly sure why. Is it because I'm not bothered at all to jot down something on the blog, or am I too hesitant in every draft I made. But, whatever.
Here's some of whats been goin' on for the past 6 months:
1. I was (or maybe still am somewhere inside) a person with quizzical minds. I question things too much, especially on things that I don't have or owned. Be thankful is not about accepting average decisions, or taking in on-par values. Its about cherishing what you have and go for even better things that you can achieve. I may have lacked this in some parts of my mind (or heart).
2. There was once a time back in January where I have lost faith in myself. I literally believed that it is impossible to succeed (academically) in my course. It is an inevitable state of mind. I couldn't care more or less. I just don't want to think. I was pragmatic. It wasn't the first time that I tried so hard and I failed. But hey, I guess bad things happen for a reason. I was stuck in between believing whether it was myself that's not good enough, or it is God's will. It was a turnover from the second that I made myself sure, I chose God.
3. Laziness is a disease. And that leads to procrastination. It had attempted to kill almost everything I had, I need or I want to have in life. God, put me away from this thing. It's kind of a funny thing, but procrastination is a cyclical process. I have been trying on and off to put it away and one conclusion that i can say; It all comes down to my Amal. Its weird, but the closer I am to God, the more I'm conscious of what I'm doing, and the more I stay away from procrastination. Cheers!
4. 4th Year is the year. I'll rule the world.
Here's some of whats been goin' on for the past 6 months:
1. I was (or maybe still am somewhere inside) a person with quizzical minds. I question things too much, especially on things that I don't have or owned. Be thankful is not about accepting average decisions, or taking in on-par values. Its about cherishing what you have and go for even better things that you can achieve. I may have lacked this in some parts of my mind (or heart).
2. There was once a time back in January where I have lost faith in myself. I literally believed that it is impossible to succeed (academically) in my course. It is an inevitable state of mind. I couldn't care more or less. I just don't want to think. I was pragmatic. It wasn't the first time that I tried so hard and I failed. But hey, I guess bad things happen for a reason. I was stuck in between believing whether it was myself that's not good enough, or it is God's will. It was a turnover from the second that I made myself sure, I chose God.
3. Laziness is a disease. And that leads to procrastination. It had attempted to kill almost everything I had, I need or I want to have in life. God, put me away from this thing. It's kind of a funny thing, but procrastination is a cyclical process. I have been trying on and off to put it away and one conclusion that i can say; It all comes down to my Amal. Its weird, but the closer I am to God, the more I'm conscious of what I'm doing, and the more I stay away from procrastination. Cheers!
4. 4th Year is the year. I'll rule the world.
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