on blogging and milan

milan told me that i think of stuff too hard. and sometimes, i get silly.like, really silly.maybe i should just ease off.oh this is more tiring than watching inception 10 times

my rants(on myself). okay if you don't wanna hear it go away. because it doesn't really make sense (to some people).

So I thought that life was simple and friends(some of them. okay maybe one of them) were regular companions but I was wrong, in a way. I have these stupid bullshit feelings that I know, think, feel or perceive that I should not have. Oh God please endure these feelings for me because, I hate to like it. I really do. It is sooo so wrong. Thats what you get from spending time with the wrong (well not really wrong, but..oh god) person. Okay maybe not that far. that is too far. I don't mean that. What I really mean that we all should control our feelings. But sometimes, its uncontrollable. Ugh okay let me put this clearly. I Suck. That is all. I suck because I should not have this feelings. I should have controlled it in a way that it would not even exist. Because? It is wrong wrong wrong. Oh okay stop denying the fact that you still have those, nauseating, feelings. Okay maybe the devil spoke to me and i insist (by accident). Okay, and so I have another friend and he told me (figuratively), "DUDE it is aaa-oookay to have those feelings". And I was like, "Dude are you mad?". Okay so this is so so so not cool having the fact that I tried my best to let go things that should have been let go of. Let bygones be bygones. And what's with these, shitty, feelings that I feel that I'm better and I deserve it? Well no you don't. That's not up to you. That's God's work. Oh that is ungrateful. Pure suckness. Hey you know what, you (pointing to myself) should wake up and realize that God made life His way and we should foreseen the hikmah of everything that lies in the path. Okay okay stop that. pack up. you're going camping. Pfffffffffffffffffftttttttt