First up, sorry for the 7-months hiatus. I wasn't exactly sure why. Is it because I'm not bothered at all to jot down something on the blog, or am I too hesitant in every draft I made. But, whatever.
Here's some of whats been goin' on for the past 6 months:
1. I was (or maybe still am somewhere inside) a person with quizzical minds. I question things too much, especially on things that I don't have or owned. Be thankful is not about accepting average decisions, or taking in on-par values. Its about cherishing what you have and go for even better things that you can achieve. I may have lacked this in some parts of my mind (or heart).
2. There was once a time back in January where I have lost faith in myself. I literally believed that it is impossible to succeed (academically) in my course. It is an inevitable state of mind. I couldn't care more or less. I just don't want to think. I was pragmatic. It wasn't the first time that I tried so hard and I failed. But hey, I guess bad things happen for a reason. I was stuck in between believing whether it was myself that's not good enough, or it is God's will. It was a turnover from the second that I made myself sure, I chose God.
3. Laziness is a disease. And that leads to procrastination. It had attempted to kill almost everything I had, I need or I want to have in life. God, put me away from this thing. It's kind of a funny thing, but procrastination is a cyclical process. I have been trying on and off to put it away and one conclusion that i can say; It all comes down to my Amal. Its weird, but the closer I am to God, the more I'm conscious of what I'm doing, and the more I stay away from procrastination. Cheers!
4. 4th Year is the year. I'll rule the world.
Allah! Forgive Me!
I'm so blind
I mean. Why didn't I foreseen this?
I should have known.
The world is so twisted with hypocritical words
Spread like swarm of bees with magnitudes of an earthquake
I surrender to you Lord but I'm so afraid if I'll be surrendered by the world
when ignorance eat my heart out and people keep asking me things
I'm not here to please people. I'm here to please God
So please! help me out man
I can't get out of this world alone
Ride along with me for the journey to Jannah
The world is just a game made by God
To test our credibility and yet are we qualify enough to meet Him.
Heaven has a huge price.
I'm not sure I can pay with my money in my pocket
Oh and my cash book has a bad ending
But all I have is my tiny whiny good deeds
So, I'm here. Prostrating to you. Pondering. Wondering. Thinking. Imploring. I need your mercy Allah!
"Oh people, repent to Allah, for indeed, I repent to Allah 100 times every day"
[Muslim : 2702]
Ibn Mas'ud narrated that the Prophet said:p/s: has nothing to do with my academic nor personal problem. I'm fine. Just that I need to be aware I'm living in a state where challenges and tests are gonna get me
“Indeed, Allah is more happy with the repentance of His slave than a man who stops in a barren, desolate land; with him he has his riding animal. He then goes to sleep. When he wakes up, [he realizes that] his mount is gone. He searches for it until he is on the verge of dying. He then says, ‘I will return to the place wherein I lost it, and I will die there.’ He went to that place, and he was then overcome by sleep. When he woke up, his mount was [standing] right beside his head: on it was his food, his drink, his provisions, and the things he neded. Allah is more happy with the repentance of his believing slave than the aforementioned man when he finds his mount and his provisions.”
[al-Bukhaari: 6308 ; Muslim: 2744]
mencari diri sendiri (konflik dalaman oh!)
"Buat yg termampu Acap. jika kita tak dapat apa yg kita mahu, bukan bererti kita gagal. Org yg gagal ialah org yg tak sedar ia gagal dan tak mengaku ia gagal. Jika kita sedar dan berusaha membaikinya maknanya kita org yg berjaya." - A Rahman Safar, 2011
entri hati ke hati #4
This Entry was supposed to be posted 2-3 weeks ago but my heart refused from letting me click the "Publish Post" button. I don't know why.
Sepanjang hari ni aku macam, hmm taktau lah. macam orang desperate pun ada, macam orang dah letih pun ada. Desperate sangat nak buat itu nak buat ini tapi thoughts weren't spewed into actions. I don't know why lah. It seems that I've been through a phase of downunder. Well, theoretically memang semua orang ada ups and downs dalam life diorang tapi Oh God. Come on lah. Aku macam dah letih. Nak cakap macam give up pun ada. Penat lah mencuba dan mencuba tapi tak result apa-apa. Mungkin ke aku ni berkira sangat dengan kehidupan. Pantang ada effort yang buat, mesti nak good results. Tapi takpe lah, memang niat aku macam tu setiap kali aku buat. Okay okay of course everything that we do is for the sake of Allah but at the end of the day, we would just look forward on the horizon. The results is what matters. Kalau tak dapat, terima. Terima, terima, terima dan bersyukur. Ah, aku macam dah penat. Bukan aku dah penat bersyukur, Nauzubillah. Tapi aku dah penat buat gila gila belajar tapi aku tak dapat apa yang aku aim. Tadi petang aku jalan kaki balik rumah, and something came into my mind "nanti macam ni je lah aku sampai grad. cuba cuba tak dapat. ah". Aku kadang-kadang terfikir. Macam mane ye aku boleh go thru all those penat lelah belajar from middle school, high school tapi lepas dah masuk menara gading yang sangat awesome, aku barai macam tu je. What on earth. Aku terfikir, aku dah sampai limit state aku ke? Is that all? Am I just not that good enough. Aku tengah nak vomit semua bisikan syaitan yang cakap aku sucks big time and tak boleh compete dengan budak-budak pandai kelas aku but hey, I'm no angel I can't fight evil forces without sacrificing my egos and blinding thoughts which made me think that I was right all along but I'm not.
Aku taktau lah what is next. I'm a person with too many goals and aims dan kadang-kadang aku rasa aku aim terlalu tinggi sampai, the first stair step that I built is as high as the Burj Khalifa. And I can't even get past that first step of a thousand stair steps. Aku rasa aku dalam state of emergence. A state of fighting against my alter egos. Aku terfikir jugak apa pemikiran aku ni tak real ke. Salah ke aku role-modelize kan people macam Rasulullah, Michael Jordan, Saladin, Al-Fateh. These people failed alot and they just got up and gave another try. I mean, too much. I know I can always try to be something. I can try to be me but I'm just not exactly sure if being myself means its good enough. Again, am I good enough or was I just in a dreamy state of desire to be good? Ah kalut.
Sepanjang hari ni aku macam, hmm taktau lah. macam orang desperate pun ada, macam orang dah letih pun ada. Desperate sangat nak buat itu nak buat ini tapi thoughts weren't spewed into actions. I don't know why lah. It seems that I've been through a phase of downunder. Well, theoretically memang semua orang ada ups and downs dalam life diorang tapi Oh God. Come on lah. Aku macam dah letih. Nak cakap macam give up pun ada. Penat lah mencuba dan mencuba tapi tak result apa-apa. Mungkin ke aku ni berkira sangat dengan kehidupan. Pantang ada effort yang buat, mesti nak good results. Tapi takpe lah, memang niat aku macam tu setiap kali aku buat. Okay okay of course everything that we do is for the sake of Allah but at the end of the day, we would just look forward on the horizon. The results is what matters. Kalau tak dapat, terima. Terima, terima, terima dan bersyukur. Ah, aku macam dah penat. Bukan aku dah penat bersyukur, Nauzubillah. Tapi aku dah penat buat gila gila belajar tapi aku tak dapat apa yang aku aim. Tadi petang aku jalan kaki balik rumah, and something came into my mind "nanti macam ni je lah aku sampai grad. cuba cuba tak dapat. ah". Aku kadang-kadang terfikir. Macam mane ye aku boleh go thru all those penat lelah belajar from middle school, high school tapi lepas dah masuk menara gading yang sangat awesome, aku barai macam tu je. What on earth. Aku terfikir, aku dah sampai limit state aku ke? Is that all? Am I just not that good enough. Aku tengah nak vomit semua bisikan syaitan yang cakap aku sucks big time and tak boleh compete dengan budak-budak pandai kelas aku but hey, I'm no angel I can't fight evil forces without sacrificing my egos and blinding thoughts which made me think that I was right all along but I'm not.
Aku taktau lah what is next. I'm a person with too many goals and aims dan kadang-kadang aku rasa aku aim terlalu tinggi sampai, the first stair step that I built is as high as the Burj Khalifa. And I can't even get past that first step of a thousand stair steps. Aku rasa aku dalam state of emergence. A state of fighting against my alter egos. Aku terfikir jugak apa pemikiran aku ni tak real ke. Salah ke aku role-modelize kan people macam Rasulullah, Michael Jordan, Saladin, Al-Fateh. These people failed alot and they just got up and gave another try. I mean, too much. I know I can always try to be something. I can try to be me but I'm just not exactly sure if being myself means its good enough. Again, am I good enough or was I just in a dreamy state of desire to be good? Ah kalut.
Tips Mengenal Pasti:Bagaimana nk prepare utk soalan final 'extreme difficulty' untuk dijawab walaupun anda telah study 24/7 redbull allnighter
Bayangkan anda ada satu subjek ni. Anda boleh la kate telah mengfully-prepared kan diri. Tapi anda masih lagi mempunyai syak wasangka terhadap professor/tenaga pengajar/guru yang mungkin saje-saje for fun kasi soalan killer. Hal ini kerana, sesetengah pengajar boleh menjadikan anda batch experiment, dengan memberikan soalan super saiya dengan niat kununnye untuk menaikkan martabat universiti (ataupun menaikkan ranking universiti kat times higher education atau QS) yang boleh menyebabkan anda tension sewaktu menjawab peperiksaan lalu bermonolog dalaman dalam hati, "arghh aku study macam orang minyak kut tak tido malam, cover semua chapter (termasuk chapter ciput2), buat past year question, buku jadi awek, ARGH APSAL SUSAH GILE". Situasi ini seringkali berlaku pada manusia-manusia yang tak bernasib baik dan dijadikan seperti tikus eksperimen oleh pihak-pihak universiti yang sengaja untuk test power, ataupun kununnye mahu meng-single out kan orang power dikalangan orang power (oh please).
Tips #1 - Think Like A Prof.
Tanya diri anda, kalau la aku prof, camne aku nak dajal budak2 ni kasi soalan susah gilaks? hmm, senang! kasi soalan yang ade dlm silibus (note that pengajar tak boleh kasi soalan takde dalam silibus walau sesusah mane pun soalan tu) tapi aku extrapolate, a.k.a. main putar belit sikit, kasi diorang ni pening nak jawab, dengan kata lain trick-or-treat question. Ini merupakan taktik yang agak nakal kerana kebiasaannya pelajar bertauliah jarang untuk berfikir outside the box sebab mereka suka go by the book. Dengan kata lain, follow je apa professor bagi kat note. jangan mandai2 nak buat sendiri punya extrapolation. Therefore, kadang-kadang, kita kene think outside the box tapi mestilah menggunakan conscience yang rational iaitu limit-limit la sikit nak berfikir kreatif sekalipun.
Tips #2 - Work Smart! (you don't really have to work hard, but you do need a rational amount of work)
Kedewasaan ini ramai mamat nerd yang kuat buat kerja lebih, tapi up to what level? up to what degree? up to what standard? itu kena tepuk dada tanya selera. Kita mungkin boleh hafal satu textbook tapi apa guna kalau hafal textbook tapi tak tahu technique? apa guna hafal textbook tapi prof kasi bawak textbook (aid-type exam) dalam exam? hmm, senang! soalan susah selalunya kalau dah tahu jawapan mesti jadi senang betul tak? so, instead of trying to kill 10 birds with 100 stones, try killing 1 bird with no stones at all. Ini mudah dilaksanakan dengan cara memahami betul-betul konsep trivial. jangan buat acuh tak acuh. Contoh acuh tak acuh: " alah ni dah study, keluar pun senang je" or "ek eleh study bende sama banyak kali buat apa?". Jangan tertipu dengan ajakan syaiton ini kerana, pembelajaran core concept lebih penting daripada tahu benda-benda aside je. Lepas tu, cuba putar belit core concept tu atau (kalau ade belajar aside jugak) cube connect2 sikit dan cuba pusing-pusing dan selalu question the concept.
Tips #3 - Kalau dah buat semua diatas, soalan killer keluar pun susah jugak a.k.a takleh jawap?!?!?!
tulis komen dekat soalan: professor apsal susah sangat?!?! wadahel? tak ajar pown...
atau, anda tawakal je la.
Biodata penulis: penulis merupakan pelajar di salah sebuah universiti di utara amerika dan sering mendapat soalan-soalan mencabar harga diri dan sangat pissed off, lalu menulis artikel/rant di atas.
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