Good. Bad. Ugly. Whatever.

The Good: I feel that I am a very very very much better person this year than any other year in terms of rajin-malas ratio, studython, knowledge retreat (present and hereafter), and of course, the state of my heart. Yet, i'm not saying life is perfect and i'm not saying i have perfected my soul

The Bad: It is truly hard to accept the fact I effortly tried so hard to ace my courses but the paved path is no way else but only to the doom of typical, 60-70s, average marks.

The Ugly: It is even harder to accept the fact when some kid that has the lazyness of a sloth but yet they aced each every single paper that had ever existed in this very earth. and of course life is fair. and maybe slacker was born genius. and who knows!

My theory of success in study was derived through this equation;
hardeffort+smarteffort+doa+tawakal = handfulofknowledge+barakah+Aces!

And yet I lived by a principle called 'Ikhlas' which means, if you are ikhlas, nothing, i mean nothing can or could be on your way. Is failure an option? well it should not be a main goal but it could be a result of an effort as it is yourself to be blamed on but if ikhlas has rationalized all those mistakes or failures, then I would have accepted failure by the means of ikhlas. For example, ikhlas in study; therefore, as long as I study hard and smart, gain knowledge, then there's no worry about acing a paper or failing it because I have achieved the core component of my journey of knowledge, the knowledge itself.

Well that does not make any sense. Really. Life has to be real. Religion taught me to be real. And I gotta be realistic.

Then, i think. i thought. i look and see. i figured. 'Ikhlas' should be productive. or 'Productive Ikhlas'. It does not make sense if I get a result, be satisfied and that is it. No that is not it. And its not that i'm not being grateful. 'Redha' is a whole different thing. Yes life is satisfaction and grateful is a companion. But you don't stop there. Ikhlas has to be productive. If you are doing something on your own will, then it should produce something or much better if it can create something. Extrinsic or intrinsic. Both have to match up at least.

I don't wanna be the extras of the earth. really. I don't. I wanna be something. someone. That provides something significant for this world. And yet I'm not sure what is that. But then again, life is a journey. I might as well live to the best of it and find what's the best of it.

People

Orang yang bodoh bukanlah orang yang rajin belajar, mengimpikan kejayaan peperiksaan, tetapi gagal akhirnya.
Akan tetapi orang yang bodoh adalah orang yang malas belajar, mengimpikan kejayaan peperiksaan, dan masih memperolehi kejayaan peperiksaan.

Tuhan berikan akal untuk berfikir. If you have the power, why would you wanna hide it? Think.

my brain is not that self-simplified

my mind is too empty. i'm feeling so dull right now. my daily routine really ditched my 'fun' part of brain away. school, get home, study, a little net surfing, sleep. and it goes on and on. well, i'm thinking of reading something (if there's time). something on my dusty book shelf. which hasn't been touched since nature told the world that class starts on early january of winter. or something close to that. but things sorted out differently i guess.perhaps i'll find something better to do now or later. i'll think. which was the main disruption in class. oh i really cant focus that good when my mind starts flying through the cloudy sky.that's fun. nuts too. sometimes i caught myself talking to myself. and smiled. and laughed too sometimes. what is this? hell i dont know. your brain can do weird things enough that you couldnt even imagine what or how it works

1 Months. No Lunch. 52 dollars of cash.

gym workouts on monday, thursday, friday (the unbusiest evening of my weekdays). Lets see if I can survive this.

p/s: damn i'm so inspired by Julia Child right now. haha

Between Confrontations and Arguments

Apabila manusia dilanda situasi berkonfrontasi, tipikalnya disebabkan oleh argumentasi antara manusia yang berlainan pendapat, cara berfikir atau interaksi. Kelainan ini dah selalu aku amati. Perbezaan pendapat itu bukanlah salah. Tetapi, cara menghadapi perbezaan ini sering dilihat sebagai satu resolusi yang tidak akan di'consume' ataupun diterima oleh sesetengah individu. Takkan nak biar diri berargumentasi sedangkan ianya tersedia untuk diselesaikan? Pada aku, argumentasi itu memang tuhan jadikan untuk kita selesaikan, bukan biarkan ia berlanjutan seperti racun dalam darah.

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَى وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ
O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things). (49:13)

Baru-baru ini, aku merelakan diri menghadiri talk daripada salah satu tokoh intelek popular di kebanyakan negara barat dan timur tengah, Tareq Suwaydan, yang telah memberikan satu intipati yang aku rasa cukup masuk dalam situasi day-to-day aku untuk mencari jawapan kehidupan. Beliau menceritakan dialog antara manusia yang perbezaan pendapat, samada antara muslim itu sendiri, mahupun dengan non-muslim. Ini mencetuskan satu idealisasi penting dari perspektif fikiran. Aku melihat perbezaan itu sebagai satu tarikan langsung untuk melanjutkan perbincangan yang lebih menarik. Bukankah bosan kalau segala yang wujud antara kita hanyalah persamaan? Bukankah buntu persoalan kalau semua yang hampir antara kita hanyalah penyerupaan? Kalau bukan sebab hikmah tuhan, kenapa dia jadikan kita semua berlainan warna kulit, bangsa, agama, cara berfikir dan lain-lain? Di antara konfrontasi dan argumentasi, sepatutnya wujud satu ruang perdebatan. Perdebatan yang patut dilegasikan untuk mengwar-warkan jawapan sebenar dalam persoalan yang ramai orang bertanyakan.

Tapi sesetengah individu lari dari konfrontasi. Sama ada tidak senang untuk berbicara secara terbuka, ataupun tidak suka dengan attitude pihak sebelah sana. Lari adalah satu cara yang mudah. permanent solution for a temporary problem. Ibarat suicide. Probability untuk bertemu kembali dengan masalah adalah close to zero. Persoalannya, berbaloikah mematikan intuisi hati daripada mengambil tahu akar umbi argumentasi tersebut?

Perdebatan dapat menyelesaikan konfrontasi dan argumentasi. Mungkin statement tersebut agak overrated bagi sesetengah individu hari ini kerana banyak perdebatan yang berlaku hari ini tidak betul-betul menyelesaikan masalah pun. Perdebatan yang functional hanya boleh terlaksana jika disertakan dengan sistem yang mantap. Ego dan sensitiviti tidak berasas ketika bertukar pendapat perlu diketepikan. Persamaan perlu dicari dan perbezaan perlu diterima. References, ataupun sources of facts perlu di dalam konteks yang sama dan relevan. Konfrontasi perlu untuk menyelesaikan argumentasi melalui medium perdebatan. Akan tetapi, perdebatan itu sendiri akan menjadi sama sekali useless kalau salah satu, atau kedua-dua pihak tidak reti-reti lagi nak buka minda tu. Kalau masih dibawah kongkongan dan di takuk yang sama. Kalau sebelum nak debate, dah tahu dah dia sorang je yang betul. Hmm, mungkin ego dan penutupan minda tu sendiri root problem yang membuatkan orang malas nak berkonfrontasi?
Masih mencari jawapan.