Who are you?

It's not possession, it's appreciation. But before that, there's you. To receive and to give you. To sacrifice the old you making way for the new you. To revisit, revive and renew that hope within you. If you can give yourself good things and accept yourself the good things, then you might understood the idea of giving to others. When you give to others, the one whom benefits the most is you. You are the sum of all that give-and-take transactional experience. You gave to yourself way long before you gave to him or her. That is why, you must start with yourself. And how do we give ourselves and accept of what is given to ourselves? We must learn how to be a servant to Allah. When you serve Allah, you are teaching yourself to give love to yourself and to accept love to yourself. And when you understood that, you became a master of yourself. No longer you do things for the desires and misconceptions of the surroundings - rather, you have the freedom to choose to do anything without distractions. And since you have taught yourself to become a servant of Allah, you chose Allah. And when you choose Allah, you can give goodness without looking back. Because you had everything you ever wanted or needed. It is Allah.

But bear in mind, the path to Allah is not an easy path. It is very bumpy, full of unexpectable obstacles, and your faith will be tested. And what is faith? Faith is when you can't see it, but you know its right because you learn it, you were taught about it and you can feel it. But you dont have to see it. Like Allah. You dont see Him. But you learn the Quran, you were taught the hadith to understand the Quran, and you can feel the presence of Allah by reflecting. There are many ways to reflect on the Quran or the creations of Allah on this very earth - but everything will point back to yourself. When you see billions of stars on the sky at night, it shows you how small your problem is, how small the events of your life compared to the events of how Allah made all the ever-expanding universe and the billions form of stars and planets. It just points out to you that despite of all that magnificent creations, Allah still puts his attention to you, teaches you and takes care of you. As for us, we don't remember Allah enough eventhough we have only one creator. You see, every sense of reflections will point to us back.

That is why our views on things matter. That is why we need to reassess how are we looking at things. Through which lenses are we viewing the whole idea of life. Life starts not when you start to care about your surroundings or the people with you. Life starts when you start caring about yourself. The very own you. So dig deep and ask yourself: what is my purpose of life? Things will go shaky, but you will revisit yourself with this question again, and again. But I already know what we will be revisiting. It will always be the same point. To be a servant of Allah. And when you serve Allah, you will have all the resource and power to give to anyone in this world. And that is how to care about others.

Idealistic and Realistic

Its been a year since I graduated. And I have barely learned enough. I'm still struggling, trying to comprehend the meaning of vision. Do I see myself in the future as to what I am doing today. Because to see myself in the future, I have to be in total honesty upon what I'm doing right now. And to be honest,  I'm not exactly sure what specifically I want. I guess I'm pretty okay doing what I'm doing right now. But deep down inside, I know that it just doesnt express myself fully. There is still something missing in this pursuit.

We all had the ideal vision after graduation. To make a change in [insert your career field]. But when you start working and when you understand the reality of the environment, it feels impossible to make the change and to be the change. We all had taken aback by the realism of internal and external political issues, economic corruptions, misuing power and etc. We feel down, we feel powerless and most people would just accept the situation and follow the flow. Yes, people GIVE UP. Thats the thing. People might say I'm too idealistic or accuse me as an elitist. Well not really. Im just pissed that people can actually accept mediocrity. When faith thought us to have faith, we excuse ourself because we just can't take the punches.

The truth is, I do not want to be in the state of mind of accepting mediocrity. And I do recognize how hard it is to make the change. The obstacles that perpetually pressure our idealistic efforts, thats a hard thing to swallow on a daily basis. But the way I see it is that the MAIN issue was never about the situation or the issues per se or the disadvantageous environment. It is OURSELVES. You and me. Our state of mind. Our collective ideas and exposures. The things that we see and touch and feel everyday. The knowledge that we let in to our minds and our hearts. The little things in life that we acknowledge and the big things in life that we pursue. The sums of all this made up who we are. And to be mediocre in our pursuit in this life is a CHOICE. You can choose to be strong and you can choose to be weak. You can choose to let the fear covers your minds and hearts or you can choose to acknowledge, get over it and find a reason to believe that there is a brighter side of the world.

My mother told me once: if you feel too weak to overcome an ordeal, know that Allah is greater and He helps whom he wills. So trust him unquestionably. And implore him passionately.  And He loves His servant whom trust and ask him wholeheartedly.  Because Allah wants to give. You didnt ask for a home, a parents, the fresh air, the trees and mountains. But yet He gives. So ask him to lead you to the right pursuit and to be istiqamah in the pursuit.

Allah said in the Quran:

"If Allah helps you, none can overcome you. If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you?" [3:160]

For you and I

Dear friend,

We both know that you and I can never give enough thanks or repay even close to a drop of water in the ocean to all the mercy of Allah. I cannot even express enough to what His mercy have done upon our past, present and future. But if only I could give this feeling of thankfulness and love and fear out of love and hope for betterment of Allah, to you, so that you will also want to love Him more as much as you and I can. And So that you and I would yearn for His love and mercy.

Why do you and I only seek Allah wholeheartedly when things go wrong? When what we planned didn't go the way we want? When we only strive for goodness only for ourselves while He did everything for us and not for Himself? Why can't we just give in and let go of the things that take us away from getting near Him? Why can't we start with Him?

I want to regret. Regret for all those little seconds that I did not spend upon the path of my Lord.
I want to punish. Punish myself for all those energy wasted not to fight for the love of Him, a battle so much worth fighting for.
I want to go back. Go back in time to make up for all the lost that I've done for throwing away what He gave me out of His mercy.

But I know, despite for all the regrets, punishments, and corrections. Allah will still forgive us for He is Al-Ghaffur (the most forgiving)

So I'm standing here without any purpose but to ask Allah to forgive you and I for the good things and for the bad things if you and I didn't give thanks enough through our words and actions. And to let other friends of us taste the sweetness of His mercy because I have no idea why would you and I want to disobey Him if only you and I knew the magnitude of His love and mercy and for all the things that He did, do or will do to you and I.

I'm not here to act pious, but I want you and I to at least be an inch closer to Him so that you and I can taste the sweetness of Iman which I can never make you understand nor comprehend unless you experience.
I'm not here to make you feel bad or threaten but I dont want you and I to lose this treasure, this power of Iman which can get us through thick and thins, rise and fall anything the world has to offer,
If only you and I knew the degree of Allah's love to us.

So, can we start over our intentions for Him, with Him?

"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Hadith)

Dependencies and Failure

When I was in my university life, failure was too regular. I could go as far as to say its a semesterly routine. I didnt literally fail any subjects, but I was ranked within the last quarter of my class. Yes, I did my study. Yes, I learned how others did it. But semester after semester, I have became too  'accustomed' in trying and it came to a point where I couldn't connect the dots; I had lost hope. But then I realized.

There was a good lesson in failing. This applies to most pursuit: career, academics, love, hope and fear. The thing is, maybe I worry too much that I might not get what I want (nevertheless it may not be what I need). Thus, I learned this virtue that maybe I have to care less. Care less about failing. Why do I have to be too occupied on the notion of failing such that I have forgotten the feeling of success. And to care less is to stop doubting the pursuit of success.

On another note, when you tried so hard to succeed and you didn't get what you want, unexpected circumstances would be hurtful isn't it? Because you declared a hope and the answer gave no hope. But it all comes down to who's your dependency, who did you rely your hope on, what drives you?

Failure may give you countless repetition of feeling down and it yearns for you to just give up. But what makes the difference is how many times you get up and give it another shot.

Its the same thing with repentance to Allah. Nobody is going to escape without committing a sin. Nobody is going to be the all-perfect, all rounded maksum. But hey, what counts is how many times we look up to God and say, "Oh Allah, would you forgive me again this time?". And when you submit, submit fully. Like any other worldly failure, you will have that feeling "I don't want to but I'm afraid I might fail again in the future". After all, we're insan. But you try. And you try hard. Because success comes by finding the meaning of failure. And that is why we reflect (muhasabah).

Failure is part of the process of becoming. You will be having a bad day but its not a bad life. And hey I'm not saying that we expect failure to come and we dont aim for that but if it does comes knocking on our door, have the right maturity to step up and handle this visitor. Because we know for sure these things come for a visit only for a short while.

And if you fail, know that Allah is greater (Allahuakbar). And whatever your obstacles that you may perceived as too much to handle,  Allah is greater. And when you have Allah, you have everything, right?

One day, when we are able to connect the dots, we'll know that wasn't failure. That was just what we needed.

Live to express. Not to impress.

Last week, I came across something interesting upon reading a book. The passage provides a rather insightful idea. "Live your life to express, and don't live to prove to others".

Which stems down to the root of being a humankind. We could say we do things because of genetical reasons or environmental surroundings which influence our decisions to do what we do. But if you think hard. You do things because its just your fikrah. Because everybody has their own 'nature' of thinking. And at the end of the day, you come up out of your bed and you'd say you do this or that because "I'm just being myself".

Then what does making decisions that fits your fikrah has got anything to do with expressing yourself rather than proving yourself?

Because you simply cannot do things that you don't like just because you want to prove a point. Even if the drive to prove the point is tantamountly huge. You want to ask yourself if its what you love to do and willing to do it for the rest of your life. Because sometimes, no matter how hard you try to do something, if it doesnt fit your "fikrah" (and you know this but keep being in denial), just to prove yourself that you are just that good enough, then you will not get whatever you're trying to gain.

My point is we have our own way of thinking.  And then we have the guidelines (Quran, Hadith, Scholars) on how to live and decide on things. Now try this. Stop following what people tell you to do in life just because its what they want. Or don't quit on things you love because people say its too hard. If you just do or don't do things because others went through it and then you feel a sense of reassurance, then know that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Thats where you discover your talent. That's where you discover what does it mean to have courage.

Don't stop expressing your ideas, creativity, meaningful efforts, and so on. And stop trying to prove to others. It's pointless trying to work your butt off to please the people. Because people will never be pleased.

And then theres effort.
Thats where capability comes in.

Unless if its God. Because if its God, then, Sami`nā Wa 'Aţa`nā.

And maybe I'm not making any sense.