A Decade of Anecdote

It has been almost 10 years since I last posted here. I was awaken by the event of a relative, whom i know personally, and of a close age to me. It has caught me thinking that I was once a person that practices retro- and introspection. But perhaps caught by the wave of the adulthood, husbandhood, parenthood, and many other hoods, I may have forgotten such practice, to which led to the abandonment of this space. I wanted to share a few anecdotes, at least some of it on this post.

That life is unexpected. And to expect things, which usually clouded by our biases, is a road to dissapointment. I learned that full acceptance of His qadr would makes us be more grateful of our experiences. And understand that our knowledge is limited, and it is impossible to rationalise why things are bound to happened not the way we expected it. And to rationalise things is also a road to dissapointment because our job is not to rationalise unexpected outcomes, but rather, accept that He has his reasons, and that his reasons are beyond our comprehension. And that's okay - we don't need to know everything to feel good about ourselves. We just have to accept that we have our plans but His plan is the best of plans, and we are in good hands. No matter how bad things are, or how bad we think things will turn out to be, we are in safe hands. 'He is Merciful, and it is in Him that we believe, and it is in Him that we put all our trust'.

That people around us makes up our happiness. No matter if we are single, with a partner, still have a family around, friends, accomplices or anyone close to us - it is of the highest importance that we cherish the people around us. Contentment breeds happiness and makes our soul feel good and safe and yes, fuzzy feelings. I have accepted that happiness is imperfect. There is no such thing as being perfectly happy. And that's okay too. Having people that we love around us and serving them is what will make us whole.

That it is perfectly okay to be kind, in a cruel world. It doesn't put you in an unfair advantage. But if you are being imposed with injustice, the response is not to be unkind or cruel but rather you must by all means stick with the right principle and still be kind in the process. And make it clear that they do not mistake your kindness with weakness. We need to be more kind with others, and especially, most importantly, with ourselves first.

That you are a work in progress. You do not have to attain anything to worth anything more or less. You do not have to prove to anyone anything. Stick with your work ethics. Your rezeki is written since day one. Your job is to act upon your lives. He will make the process easier for you.

“O Allah, I seek refuge in You from grief and sadness, from weakness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by men [people]”

We got this far, we need to keep going.

The journey is long and the one that got that far is because they had the strength to overcome distractions. Internally we want to be strong but we got swayed away because we feed in to the distractions that led us to the delays in reaching our goals. Its sad, horrendous, pathetic but we did what we did, and we tend to do it again.

Look. Look how far we've come. 10 years strong. 25 years strong. Trials will be there today or tomorrow. Have steadfast. Persevere when times are tough, then we can say we reap of that which we earned. Don't submit to 'having' things. 'Earn' the things. Our downs of our lives is there to heighten our ranks.

Don't fight for the 'what ifs'. Fight for the 'what wills'. Because if God had will, you will have it. And God also wants that of what is great for you.

People want to be 'good enough'. But 'good enough' doesn't solve our problems. It delays the impacts. Choose 'amazing'. Choose 'great'. Choose 'beyond your enoughs'. 

Don't submit to money. It won't give you happiness. Don't submit to power. It won't give you control. Happiness comes from your choice of being happy. Power comes from your choice of being in control. What you already have today is happiness and power. Use it, cherish it, appreciate it, and make good of it. No. Make great of it.

I thought that when we idealize something, we need to do ideal things. No it is not. Do what you are capable and be ideally inside, but the product may not be ideal. The process of getting it ideal, thats what makes you ideal. Being ideal is to make mistakes and to learn from it and to make it better. Ideal things comes from doing nonideal things. If God wills, you will be ideal. So don't stop changing.

Words are powerful. But action what makes thing changes over time. Be that agent of change. People will say we are wrong. People will judge you, criticize you, change your change, and make you the 'norm'. Don't submit to 'norm'. Submit to actions that changes things for the better. This is Ihsaan, perfection aand change. Work as if someone important sees you and you see that someone. And let that someone be God. He will help you if you help him.

Be steadfast. We can say we want to do anything today, but maybe tomorrow we won't. Then if we want to do something, do it all the way. Don't be the halfwayers. Don't quit. What else we have got to lose? We will die anyway someday. That is why death is the best motivation.

We got this far. We need to keep going. There's no end. Because we don't dictate the end. God does. Then let us keep going until God says we've done it.

Who are you?

It's not possession, it's appreciation. But before that, there's you. To receive and to give you. To sacrifice the old you making way for the new you. To revisit, revive and renew that hope within you. If you can give yourself good things and accept yourself the good things, then you might understood the idea of giving to others. When you give to others, the one whom benefits the most is you. You are the sum of all that give-and-take transactional experience. You gave to yourself way long before you gave to him or her. That is why, you must start with yourself. And how do we give ourselves and accept of what is given to ourselves? We must learn how to be a servant to Allah. When you serve Allah, you are teaching yourself to give love to yourself and to accept love to yourself. And when you understood that, you became a master of yourself. No longer you do things for the desires and misconceptions of the surroundings - rather, you have the freedom to choose to do anything without distractions. And since you have taught yourself to become a servant of Allah, you chose Allah. And when you choose Allah, you can give goodness without looking back. Because you had everything you ever wanted or needed. It is Allah.

But bear in mind, the path to Allah is not an easy path. It is very bumpy, full of unexpectable obstacles, and your faith will be tested. And what is faith? Faith is when you can't see it, but you know its right because you learn it, you were taught about it and you can feel it. But you dont have to see it. Like Allah. You dont see Him. But you learn the Quran, you were taught the hadith to understand the Quran, and you can feel the presence of Allah by reflecting. There are many ways to reflect on the Quran or the creations of Allah on this very earth - but everything will point back to yourself. When you see billions of stars on the sky at night, it shows you how small your problem is, how small the events of your life compared to the events of how Allah made all the ever-expanding universe and the billions form of stars and planets. It just points out to you that despite of all that magnificent creations, Allah still puts his attention to you, teaches you and takes care of you. As for us, we don't remember Allah enough eventhough we have only one creator. You see, every sense of reflections will point to us back.

That is why our views on things matter. That is why we need to reassess how are we looking at things. Through which lenses are we viewing the whole idea of life. Life starts not when you start to care about your surroundings or the people with you. Life starts when you start caring about yourself. The very own you. So dig deep and ask yourself: what is my purpose of life? Things will go shaky, but you will revisit yourself with this question again, and again. But I already know what we will be revisiting. It will always be the same point. To be a servant of Allah. And when you serve Allah, you will have all the resource and power to give to anyone in this world. And that is how to care about others.

Idealistic and Realistic

Its been a year since I graduated. And I have barely learned enough. I'm still struggling, trying to comprehend the meaning of vision. Do I see myself in the future as to what I am doing today. Because to see myself in the future, I have to be in total honesty upon what I'm doing right now. And to be honest,  I'm not exactly sure what specifically I want. I guess I'm pretty okay doing what I'm doing right now. But deep down inside, I know that it just doesnt express myself fully. There is still something missing in this pursuit.

We all had the ideal vision after graduation. To make a change in [insert your career field]. But when you start working and when you understand the reality of the environment, it feels impossible to make the change and to be the change. We all had taken aback by the realism of internal and external political issues, economic corruptions, misuing power and etc. We feel down, we feel powerless and most people would just accept the situation and follow the flow. Yes, people GIVE UP. Thats the thing. People might say I'm too idealistic or accuse me as an elitist. Well not really. Im just pissed that people can actually accept mediocrity. When faith thought us to have faith, we excuse ourself because we just can't take the punches.

The truth is, I do not want to be in the state of mind of accepting mediocrity. And I do recognize how hard it is to make the change. The obstacles that perpetually pressure our idealistic efforts, thats a hard thing to swallow on a daily basis. But the way I see it is that the MAIN issue was never about the situation or the issues per se or the disadvantageous environment. It is OURSELVES. You and me. Our state of mind. Our collective ideas and exposures. The things that we see and touch and feel everyday. The knowledge that we let in to our minds and our hearts. The little things in life that we acknowledge and the big things in life that we pursue. The sums of all this made up who we are. And to be mediocre in our pursuit in this life is a CHOICE. You can choose to be strong and you can choose to be weak. You can choose to let the fear covers your minds and hearts or you can choose to acknowledge, get over it and find a reason to believe that there is a brighter side of the world.

My mother told me once: if you feel too weak to overcome an ordeal, know that Allah is greater and He helps whom he wills. So trust him unquestionably. And implore him passionately.  And He loves His servant whom trust and ask him wholeheartedly.  Because Allah wants to give. You didnt ask for a home, a parents, the fresh air, the trees and mountains. But yet He gives. So ask him to lead you to the right pursuit and to be istiqamah in the pursuit.

Allah said in the Quran:

"If Allah helps you, none can overcome you. If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you?" [3:160]

For you and I

Dear friend,

We both know that you and I can never give enough thanks or repay even close to a drop of water in the ocean to all the mercy of Allah. I cannot even express enough to what His mercy have done upon our past, present and future. But if only I could give this feeling of thankfulness and love and fear out of love and hope for betterment of Allah, to you, so that you will also want to love Him more as much as you and I can. And So that you and I would yearn for His love and mercy.

Why do you and I only seek Allah wholeheartedly when things go wrong? When what we planned didn't go the way we want? When we only strive for goodness only for ourselves while He did everything for us and not for Himself? Why can't we just give in and let go of the things that take us away from getting near Him? Why can't we start with Him?

I want to regret. Regret for all those little seconds that I did not spend upon the path of my Lord.
I want to punish. Punish myself for all those energy wasted not to fight for the love of Him, a battle so much worth fighting for.
I want to go back. Go back in time to make up for all the lost that I've done for throwing away what He gave me out of His mercy.

But I know, despite for all the regrets, punishments, and corrections. Allah will still forgive us for He is Al-Ghaffur (the most forgiving)

So I'm standing here without any purpose but to ask Allah to forgive you and I for the good things and for the bad things if you and I didn't give thanks enough through our words and actions. And to let other friends of us taste the sweetness of His mercy because I have no idea why would you and I want to disobey Him if only you and I knew the magnitude of His love and mercy and for all the things that He did, do or will do to you and I.

I'm not here to act pious, but I want you and I to at least be an inch closer to Him so that you and I can taste the sweetness of Iman which I can never make you understand nor comprehend unless you experience.
I'm not here to make you feel bad or threaten but I dont want you and I to lose this treasure, this power of Iman which can get us through thick and thins, rise and fall anything the world has to offer,
If only you and I knew the degree of Allah's love to us.

So, can we start over our intentions for Him, with Him?

"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Hadith)