semalam

i was reading a novel, human factor by kim vicente and suddenly i got fascinated by something very random. i remembered a song that i just listened to, its called semalam by mirwana. somehow, a translation from the english song, yesterday by the beatles. but the lyrics are very touchy, emotionally whimpered, and the untouchable yesterdays of our lives.
"ku singkapi tirai memori, saat duka tiba memuji..", so touchy!

flight of the misery

people come and go.they see what they want to see.and certainly, they feel what they want to feel. but sometimes, things won't go your way like the way you want it to be. the trend of the so-called 'fate' is that, we tried everything that we can to make things the way we want, but it all ends up with what fate wants it to be. if i want to score 100% for calculus, then i still got a 26%, then so be it. because the point here is to push yourself further and further until what we want is the same as what the fate wants. i couldn't agree more on the fact that this is just the process of building the identity of ourselves. lemme put things straight here, the truth is that everybody want things goes as the way they intend it to be, doesn't come easy. well, what goes around does comes around, but what if all this time, we were just running in circles? the circle of that i cannot really imagine how big it is. we waited whole life for whatever we are achieving on, but it never came up. so, my thought is that, no matter how big your circle is, just stay calm, keep it up, and get patience as a virtue, because you're just getting at the end of your circle nearer everyday.

i told myself everyday since i was 13 that i was going to be a pilot. at the same time, i told myself everyday i would never, ever be a doctor. and i ended up taking engineering. how rhetoric is that? the path of life was never made to be misery, it was made to be challenging. spectacular isnt it when things that never came up into our mind, actually came up right in front of us? probably i'm not going too far but what if fate tells me that i am going to be a musician? or maybe an astrologist? or maybe just some people who sells pisang goreng around the block? well whatever happens, im not going to let my life be a misery. at least not yet. so, in the end, ill just live life to the max.cheers.


huu ganas tak? haha

a thousand words of sigh

everybody knows you want to go to the Caribbean,
where treasure lies deep in the vein of the trees,
sands made of gold and fruits made of diamond,

everybody knows you want to fly through the sky,
with wings forged by your own will,
with speed that surpass the imagination of science,

everybody knows you want to swim across the seven seas,
to pluck your heart with curiosity of deep sea water,
to endeavor the path of the creatures down beneath us,

i know one thing for sure,
you choose the path of fate, and grab the dreams of tomorrow,
not because of the people around you, or because of your companions urgency,
its because your heart tells you to do it,
its because you fulfill your duty as a pathfinder,

so, dear,
turn your ego down,
flush the darkside deep down inside,
seek vengeance of your past failure,
ask God for your heart to be pure,
cuz i'm not going to be there for you always,
and you know it,
but let my thousand words rest in your back,
as i know, you will never look back. right?

p/s: good luck for your exams, and your life dear brother, aziz.

antara masa dan waktu

Disini ingin aku menekankan beberape obstacle2 yang bakal diredahi sebelum winter break. dan tak lain tak bukan, perkara tersebut merupakan.......academic stuff..uhhhh.
1. lab 7 and lab 8 of computer fundamentals plus a few quizzes plus catching up with pointers, recursion and c programming stuff
2. doing tons and tons of calculus homeworks plus revisions.(i suck at math since high school, seriously)
3. understanding chapter 4 algebra, which is the most abstract-complicated-mindblowing part of the subject algebra which was suppose to be easy as peanut(macam kacang), but its not.uhh.
4. engineering design's seminar plus cds individual plus final exam's reading(oh man, i need to start on this right away)
5. catching up on mechanics statics, whether because of falling asleep in class(unintentionally) or because of doing calculus in statics class(pls refer to no.2).

Winter break kian menghampiri dan aku sangat menglooking forward terhadap 2 minggu yang gilang gemilang tersebut. walaupun duit bukanlah segala2nya tapi skang aku sangatlah tiada duit untuk berjalan2, maka itu, winter break adalah membosankan untuk tahun ini. maka, disitulah aku mungkin terpaksa meminjam duit daripada rakan2 yang kaya-raya.al maklumlah, aku tidak diberi penghargaan entrance scholarship.haih. oh ya.disebut dalam satu kisah nabi dimana manusia amat degil apabila diberi peluang untuk kembali ke jalan yang benarrr. bermaksud. akan disesali hanya apabila musibah melanda dan setelah tamat musibah, akan mereka sambung bertempiaran mengenjoykan diri dan melupakan apa-apa unsur ketuhanan dan rohaniah yang telah diserapkan dalam hati mereka sebentar mereka dalam musibah. dengan itu, aku tidak mahulah menjadi manusia sebegitu dikala aku seronok bermain dota melupakan tuhan.ohh tidak sama sekali. sebagai seorang remaja, perkara lagha amat susah untuk dicegahi(semua setuju?). contohnya, menonton bola sambil menjerit-jerit "goalx1000!"(this is due to the fact that arsenal has beaten the red devils.shame on u!), dan banyak lagi. oh inilah remaja. jadi masa dan waktu perlu diseimbangkan sepantas mungkin, sepantas dentuman kilat menyinari awanan debu, sepantas bla2. and the truth is that, i need to wake up and start to realize that time is moving further and further away as i startled down the river of the ashes. i need to catchup with time!

aku berasa ganjil.

pabila merenung masa berjalan.aku kian rasa pelik.apakah misteri hati ini.sering menyelubungi titisan2 mata yang kian menjalar di pipi.sering aku melihat manusia berarak kehadapan, cuba mencari jawapan demi kehidupan yang girang. demi jawapan untuk matlamat.cuba mencuba dan cuba untuk melepasi percubaan.bagiku, percubaan teragung adalah ujian dari tuhanku yang maha satu sendiri.aku merenung bulan mengambang dikala hati sunyi berfikir,apakah aku masih berdaya saing memikul tanggungjawab hati ini.apakah aku masih punya tenaga untuk menolak batu-batu yang terdampar menghalang tasik jiwa diri ku ini.aku lemah.aku sememangnya manusia yang tiada tandingannya lemah.namun,aku keliru,ganjil, dan terfikir.apakah maksud tragedi dunia ini,dikala aku cuba mendekati kau, dikala itulah lebih banyak batu-batu api yang kau curahkan ke atas diri ini. aku sememangnya longlai.aku tahu aku sering leka dikala aku lena bermain air di taman-tamanmu. apakah yang kau ingin tunjukkan kepada ku wahai tuhan. apakah yang kau mahu aku lakukan. kesedaran ini datang daripada hati yang inginkan kasih sayangNya, namun aku bingung. aku takut.apakah aku akan sentiasa bertulusan hati sebegini.apakah aku masih mempunyai etika-etika jiwa yang mampu membawa diri ku sentiasa dekat dengan mu? ingin ku berbisik kepada diriku.jangan kau leka dari keheningan malam yang membasahi pipi-pipi fikiran.kesejukan yang tiada bandingan.aku tahu dunia ini penuh dengan hikmah. aku tahu aku sering menekan diri ini dengan hentakan yang dipamerkan oleh sang rimba dunia. kau lemparku ke laut, kau sumbatku ke tanah,kau panahi jiwaku dengan tohmahan-tohmahanmu. namun, aku akan redha, aku akan bertahan, merangkak melepasi titian durjana dunia. aku tahu, kau sentiasa akan mencatatkan persoalan tanpa jawapan. oh tuhan. aku berasa ganjil.

p/s=mengapakah jiwaku sering didiami bahasa ibunda nie.adey.